life lately: as told by a very inexperienced mother of one whole month

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Being a mom is hard work. It’s the best work, I have been in a little mommy bubble for the past month, not wanting for anyone or anything to disrupt this newness of my little guy and the whole newborn phase. Yes, sleep deprivation was expected but I have found that the real exhaustion comes from my straight up worry for everything this child does, the wonder if I am doing everything right, am I a good mother? Every cough, wheeze, gurgle, I am turning to google way too many times a day to see what the possible ailment could be. “Newborn gurgling sound in throat”, “why is my newborn’s skin peeling?”, “newborn making strange noises”. (These are real google searches from yours truly). I have yet to find solid answers. Most conclude I need to contact my pediatrician immediately, or just go straight to the E.R. (Those people answering questions on google are real doomsdayers, sheesh!) No help there. I am assuming this overprotective/overlycautiousness will diminish as time passes. Or I sure hope it will. It’s driving me insane, I can’t stop.

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I am also in the middle of some sort of inner struggle, doing my darnedest to look like a mom, but not TOTALLY like a mom. This is silly, I know. But it’s bugging me! I am convinced that when I am pushing a stroller through the outdoor shopping center, people assume I am the next to appear on mtv’s teen mom. My friend recently told me I look like the nanny, not a parent. I’m okay with that. To an extent. Part of this image may come from the backpack I wear as a diaper bag. Just an observation. But this new complex I have with myself has really played with my psyche. I spent way too much time the other day in Urban Outfitters debating whether or not to buy a homies t-shirt and blue nail polish. I mean, before this was a total no brainier. Buy both because they’re awesome. But now I’m a mom! Do moms wear that stuff?! Not really. I went with the blue nail polish. Skipped out on the tee. (Now regretting not buying the tee).

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I guess what I’m getting at is this whole other side of the mom transformation. The baby stuff; nursing, holding, loving, caring, nurturing… This has all come pretty natural. I feel like this little man has been in my life forever. But there are other (less important) things that are putting my little self into a stupor.

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My life has been flipped upside down and sideways, and it is absolutely wonderful. I have really loved every moment. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. But someone answer me: why do I feel the need to change EVERYTHING about myself to play the part as parent?! (Including nail color). It’s madness, really. The little man and I wish you a happy Saturday! Enjoy. :)

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14 Comments

  1. Beautiful Lauren! You are a Mom, a wife and the same woman Clay fell in love with and more as you have created a new life! Why would you ever think you should change you? All these wonderful things that are entering your life are adding to your wonderful ness! It is very easy to get lost in it all, so you need to consciously make time for what made you unique before all of these exciting changes came to your life! I also understand the responsibility you feel to your baby boy! You will learn to trust your instincts and you have such a great support system to help you know what is normal and what to be concerned about! Your Grandma Élna was there for me one time in particular when no one was helping me! She knew me so we’ll that she knew exactly what the answer was for me and what a relief it was! She was totally right and I will always be so grateful!
    You may be so tired some days where rest is more important than beautification, but I say there is never anything wrong with looking the best you can, and hey you are just that anyway so it won’t take much time! I always try to remember that God loves personal cleanliness so getting my bath and hair washed at least was a daily priority ;)
    I hope you have felt my compassion for what you are feeling, but most importantly I wish for you to relax and enjoy this time as it passes way too quickly! I already think you are amazing just like your Mom and extraordinary sisters!
    Love from Aunt Ember

    Reply
    • Ember! You are so sweet to leave this message. Everything about it. Sheesh! So much good advice. Rest is more important than beautification. Best advice. : ) Rest comes before showers most days. hehe

      Reply
  2. Linda Lorick

     /  March 29, 2014

    Lauren:

    I so love hearing it all. You are a normal mom, ok? I was pregnant with Cynthia when the library told me I had to be 16 to get a card! I was so mad and wanted to look older! WIsh I could go back now!

    Linda Lorick, Columbia , SC

    _____

    Reply
  3. You’re doing fabulous! I am expecting my fifth child and still find myself asking, does this look enough like a mom? He is beautiful; and kudos to you for rockin’ that blue nail polish. = ) Happy first month!

    Reply
  4. lindsay Goldfine

     /  March 30, 2014

    First off, I have seen first hand, you are the cutest mommy. Like ever. I say do the blue nails, which I am currently rocking too. Butler please by Essie (the one that was a shower prize) has been my favorite hue as of late. AND do the t-shirt too! I have felt like pushing around a baby stroller and NOT looking I look like a mom is pretty awesome. In fact, I have gravitated more towards anti-mommy looks since Eli was born. Not that I don’t LOVE being a mom, but it just makes me still feel young and connected to who I really am, a self-proclaimed fashionista. (Kind of. On some days). Love this post. I can relate all too well. Love you!

    Reply
  5. clj

     /  March 30, 2014

    I loved reading all these great comments. Hey, speaking of being hip–what’s up with baby Ezra’s droopy drawers? Mom

    Reply
    • Dontcha know that’s the style?! Ezra is sagging his diapers now. HAHA
      Actually, this is my attempt at covering his diaper with a make-shift cloth diaper out of a pillowcase. How did I do? :)

      Reply
  6. jolene

     /  March 30, 2014

    You have my permission to RELAX. Life is busy enough without worrying about image. Everyone is right; You are YOU, and that is enough, because your unconditional love and your inner light and good judgement will always shine through. Life’s merry-go-round gets going much too fast sometimes. I’m glad you are savoring the “good stuff”

    Reply
    • The good stuff it all that matters in the end anyway. I won’t be remembering my wardrobe or my nail polish in 10 years. Thanks for your comment! :) LOVE YOU

      Reply
  7. Connie

     /  April 2, 2014

    L- I think you’re fabulous! Somehow I started following you on Instagram and immediately thought “if we lived closer, we would be friends!” I love reading how you’re growing as a new mom and the challenges that come with it. Even if it’s about dressing the part. Don’t change yourself too much. Your baby needs to see that you are a hip mom. I look young for my 29 years so I can only imagine what people will think of me when I have my first. Keep posting!

    Reply
  8. You are SO not alone!! Everyone goes through something similar as a new mommy. You look beautiful and your pictures are so great. Just found your blog and LOVE IT!! ;)

    Reply

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